Trouble

This is my free write blog so I’ll just speak my mind here.

Today I had a troublesome conversation with Maddy. She’s very dear to me and I’ve been doing things for her since she was little. We were very close. But now she’s all grown up, with a mind of her own and what I say really doesn’t make an impact the way it used to.

Since I’m a mom this troubles me. Will I feel upset when my kids grow up and move out and speak their own mind? I have to respect those changes but inside I can feel a squeeze of hurt. Maddy thinks I’ve changed but I really haven’t.

Maybe I can’t accept the fact that she has her own friends and possibilities that I will never have. I used to hold her hand and play ‘imagine’ games with her.

I was in control the way I am with my boys now. But that will never last and the hurt will come back again.

Sorry Maddy… I guess I’ll let go then.

Frustrated

I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. You see I’m torn between writing and keeping house. I want to be a model mom which is a good thing. But I also want to devote all my time to writing.

So what do I achieve? An odd fudge.

Which is why yesterday was a revelation. I got talking with a meditation expert and she told me that moms don’t have to be guilty.”You deserve your own space.”, she said.

I haven’t been able to go out on my own for over two years now since my twins are terribly naughty. I don’t have a nanny since my first experience with one was pretty horrendous. So I manage the babies with my mom(I’m lucky she comes here often).

Abi and Ani are notorious climbers. They climb through the kitchen window and onto the television stand. They say ‘no’ to everything. They fight with each other nearly all the time except when they are in a good mood.

There are times when I’m so patient that I feel like God. There are other times when I lose my cool for no reason at all.

Now they are asleep. Which is why I’m typing all this in the first place.